How do we keep going when we encounter life's inevitable set-backs?
This month, I’m reflecting on perseverance. I wonder what the word means to you? To me there’s a flavour of grit and determination. Of continuing with something despite challenges and setbacks. Of tapping into reserves of inner strength. Of being committed and not giving up.
I’ll be honest, I also find the word a little daunting and intimidating. It’s not one that I naturally associate with myself, so when I hear it the inner critic can pipe up reminding me of all the times I haven’t been persistent. For example, the regular lapses in my healthy eating intentions, the stalled completion of the couch to 5K program, my annual commitment to be more on top of my admin… the list could go on, I’m sure you get the picture. Most likely it’s conjuring up a picture of your own list of lapses and procrastinations.
So let’s be honest, and let’s be compassionate to ourselves. It is very human to falter, to struggle, to find it difficult to persist in the things that are difficult.
"Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
That’s why I’ve been finding the Olympics this summer so inspiring. And I’m super excited to have tickets to a couple of the Paralympic events in Paris. The sportsmen and women who compete demonstrate the quality of perseverance in bucket loads. Behind every performance, whether it’s a gold medal achievement or the recognition of being selected and competing in the first place, whatever the final placement, there is a backstory of persistence.
In the Olympian analogy we think about training schedules, early morning starts, showing up when we don’t feel like it and getting back on track after a setback. Keeping the intention in heart and mind must be key here. No doubt, for many of the athletes, there are times when they feel like giving up... but they don't! They refocus on that intention, double down and carry on.
“Believe in yourself; believe in your family; believe in your friends. But most importantly, believe in what you want to achieve.” Lord Chris Holmes - winner of 15 Olympic medals in Paralympic swimming events
In reality, isn’t this a metaphor for all our lives? I think of my role as a parent, when the kids were really young; caring for my horses through months and months of bad weather or equine ill health; completing various academic certifications and qualifications. Persisting with my meditation practice despite the many days I would rather be doing 101 tasks on my to do list... or simply having a lie in.
Let’s be honest, there are days when all of us have to get up and show up even when we don’t feel like it. Things go wrong, but we carry on, and have another go. We may even feel pretty hopeless about something, but we dig deep, find some inner reserves, or a fresh perspective, maybe realising that avoiding it creates more discomfort than giving it a go. So we take the next small step forward. This is perseverance!
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself." Paulo Coelho
From my work as a coach, I believe perseverance is a trait we all possess. Although we may not all have the aspiration to become an Olympian athlete, it is much more often the small, daily acts of persisting in the face of challenge, resistance and ill health that demonstrate perseverance in action. I am regularly humbled, as I support clients back to well-being following a burn out, or to find peace in the present moment despite an ongoing health condition or life challenge, at the courage, creativity and, yes, gritty perseverance that is present in the human spirit.
But how often do we give ourselves the acknowledgement and recognition for these simple but significant acts diligence and determination?
I’m guessing, like many of us, you find it easier to be the cheerleader for friends and loved ones than for yourself. This is where mindfulness and compassion can be so supportive to help us not only nurture perseverance but to acknowledge ourselves for the achievement. The first step is mindful awareness - noticing what's here now. For instance, next time you notice a sense of not wanting, an urge to throw in the towel or a niggling doubt that you are just not cut out for this (whatever your own immediate example of this may be), I invite you to take a pause and pay attention to what's present.
What's here in the body? What thoughts are circling? And what's the emotional landscape right now?
Perhaps there's a sense of clenching, tightness or resistance in the body?
Maybe the inner critic is piping up and reminding you of past experiences that didn't go as you'd hoped?
Is there a voice of doom and gloom prophesying that you are certain to fail?
There may be a tone of lethargy? Perhaps doubt or even hopelessness?
When we notice all of this, we can recognise it for what it is - simply sensations, stories and internal propaganda. Yes, it is part of our present moment experience, but we don't have to react, buy into or be limited by it. Rather, we can chose to respond with kindness wisdom and self-compassion.
When we offer ourselves compassion, we adopt an attitude of kindness and support, speaking and acting towards our self in the same way we would to a good friend. For instance, considering:
What do I need right now?
What would bring me back into alignment with my intentions?
How can I support myself or find the support I need?
Sometimes a nourishing conversation with someone who is on our side can help get us back on track, or a small act of self-care. For me, I often find a walk in nature, in the companionship of our dog Rusty helps me to see the next small step more clearly.
Our formal and informal mindful compassion practices are also a practical support we can turn to in times of struggle or challenge. A mindful pause can offer some clarity & fresh perspective, helping us to be with what's present and open to possible next steps. The research also suggests that treating ourselves with self-compassion is a much more effective motivator and predictor of long term well-being than hoping to motivate ourselves with threats or will-power alone.
You can find a number of short 'on-the-go' meditation practices on the audio resources page of my website and many more offered through the episodes of my podcast. Personal favourites are the many tones and flavours of the Three Step Breathing Space and their compassionate cousins (the Three Step Breathing Spaces with kindness and compassion) as well as the short and simple STOP practice.
When we are hoping to cultivate perseverance in the face of adversity, a Three Step Breathing Space with Compassion can be particularly nourishing. The practice follows the familiar format of a breathing space:
Beginning with a wide awareness of what's here now
Narrowing the focus of attention to the breath
Widening out with fresh perspective
We also add a special ingredient of compassion as we invite the soothing system on board through nurturing touch and a soothing breathing rhythm. We close the practice by offering ourselves a compassionate wish or intention in the midst of our challenge or struggle.
You can listen to an audio version of the practice here or dive deeper into the theme of developing our own inner compassionate helper - to nurture perseverance alongside the other qualities of compassion in episode five, season two, of my podcast.
If this post has raised any questions or insights for you, I would love to hear from you. And if you would like the support of a qualified and compassionate coach to help you tap into your own inner reserves of perseverance you are warmly invited to book a free 30 minute Clarity Call to explore how I can support you.
As a closing gift, I share a nature inspired poem which explores the theme of persistence in the face of change.
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